Vaccines did not cause my children's autism. They were born with it and it was more than likely genetic in our case. With my son's asthma, he could die from the flu. So we get the shots each year in addition to everything else.

Amplify’d from www.cnn.com

Bill Gates: Vaccine-autism link 'an absolute lie'

Davos, Switzerland (CNN) -- Microsoft founder Bill Gates sat down recently with CNN Chief Medical Correspondent Sanjay Gupta in Davos, Switzerland. The billionaire philanthropist was attending the World Economic Forum to push his mission of eradicating polio by 2012. Gates, through his foundation, also pledged $10 billion to provide vaccinations to children around the world within a decade.

Gupta: There has been a lot of scrutiny of vaccines recently -- specifically childhood vaccines. There has been a lot of news about is there a connection with autism, for example. What do you make of all that? Dr. [Andrew] Wakefield wrote a paper about this [in The Lancet in 1998] saying he thought there was a connection. And there were lower vaccination rates over a period of time as a result in Britain, then the United States. What are your thoughts?

Gates: Well, Dr. Wakefield has been shown to have used absolutely fraudulent data. He had a financial interest in some lawsuits, he created a fake paper, the journal allowed it to run. All the other studies were done, showed no connection whatsoever again and again and again. So it's an absolute lie that has killed thousands of kids. Because the mothers who heard that lie, many of them didn't have their kids take either pertussis or measles vaccine, and their children are dead today. And so the people who go and engage in those anti-vaccine efforts -- you know, they, they kill children. It's a very sad thing, because these vaccines are important. Read more at www.cnn.com

 

See this Amp at http://amplify.com/u/aoi1u

A New Study Links Maternal Employment to Child's Body Weight

This is a lot of bunk: Children are getting fatter because of what they feed their children, not whether or how much time their moms work. Plenty of stay at home moms frequent McDonald's, Burger King and Chuck-E-Cheese. How about praising working mothers whose children do exercise and eat properly?

Amplify’d from abcnews.go.com

New Study Adds to Working Mother's Guilt

A New Study Links Maternal Employment to Child's Body Weight

Just today a new study twisted the scissors in a little deeper. It reported a link between the length of maternal employment and childhood obesity. For each year a mother continues to work, University of Chicago investigators found, her child's body mass index (BMI) creeps up a small but statistically significant percentage. Read more at abcnews.go.com

 

See this Amp at http://amplify.com/u/aohnf

No Pain No Gain

We're now in Week 6 of Financial Peace University and are struggling to get through our first full month on a "count every penny" budget. It's not easy, especially, when we've gone through most of our food and gas budget only half way through the month.

Why?

Well, we've got an almost 15yo who plays soccer 4-5 days a week at fields that are anywhere from 20-50 miles from our home each way. We also have an 8yo on the GFCF diet, who refuses to eat "rice and beans" because of sensory issues.

Oh and did I mention the cost of feeding a teenager, who plays sports and exercises at the gym and on the track during all of her other free time. It's like feeding a football player. I make enough rice and beans for 8 and we rarely have leftovers.

So for the first time in my life, I truly understanding the meaning of NO PAIN NO GAIN!

Our daughter, Jessie, who is autistic and has a major speech deficit, is frustrated, because she has to work twice as hard as everyone else and, as a 9th grader, she can't even begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel - a soccer scholarship.

Our son, Taz, who is also autistic, is frustrated, because he's lucky if he gets one day a week when we dedicate time to him and he's lost his usual pursuit - Michael's craft making - due to the lack of creative funds in our budget.

And most of all, we're frustrated! Budgeting every penny BITES!

And yet. . .

We can't quit!

We couldn't quit when God gave us two special needs children, we couldn't quit when we found out their infant health issues were nothing compared to dealing with autism and we can't quit now.

We can only continue to take Baby Steps forward as Dave Ramsey calls them, so that some day we can Live Like No One Else.

You'd think we would be used to that by now, since parents of autistic children have to Live Like No One Else, whether they want to or not.

So it's time to suck it up and remember Erma Bombeck's poem "The Special Mother."

Finally He passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child . . . I will permit her to see clearly the things I see . . . ignorance, cruelty, prejudice . . . and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life, because she is doing My work as surely as if she is here by My side. . .

Nianya

P.S. Taz is learning to adapt. He's making his own creations from plain copy paper, markers and Dollar Store paints and he's very proud of his little pumpkin, which he bought with his chore money.

Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University and Parenting Special Needs Children

My husband and I are parents of two children on the autism spectrum. We are in week three of Financial Peace, but we have been following many of Dave's guidelines for the past 3 years, since the recession cut our income considerably.

I decided last night, in class, that I would blog about Dave Ramsey and special needs parenting for the duration of this class, because the class does not address this topic and how to help parents who face such extraordinary expenses.

It's easy to say have a 3-6 month emergency fund, but it's almost impossible to predict some medical expenses, especially when one child has had 6 surgeries in 8 years.

We have good insurance and we set aside the maximum allowed for extra child care and out of pocket medical expenses, but it's never enough. We eat rice and beans, we don't eat out, we shop only at wholesale stores, even for milk and eggs, we have no car debt, we own no big screen or HD TVs and we don't take vacations.

We both work full time and can’t take on second or third jobs when we have therapies to go to.

This pretty much sums up our lives in a nut shell.

Don't get me wrong though, we a very blessed in many ways. We belong to a great church, both kids attend great private schools on the Georgia Special Needs Scholarship, we spend more quality time together during day trips and staycations and we are not deeply in debt, because we cut our expenses to the bone when we realized we had to to survive in the current economy.

I also have fun hunting for bargains and stocking up the pantry when I find a really good deal on staple items. We love going to the Dollar Store and finding new items each visit and we love being able to pick up good quality designer clothes at Sam's Club and Costco for a fraction of the price.

It's not enough though. We found that all of our cost saving practices were not enough to keep us out of emergency debt. Thus my top five reasons for needed Financial Peace University:

• 5 - You know you need Financial Peace when your health care reimbursement account runs out and you haven't set aside enough money to cover $300 per month in medication and medial copays for the remainder of the year.
• 4 - You know you need Financial Peace when you have to put new sets of tires on both your paid-for cars at least 10K miles before you should have needed them only because you forgot to keep your tires rotated and your cars in alignment.
• 3 - You know you need Financial Peace when your husband fractures his shoulder from falling off a ladder while cutting the tall bushes himself, rather than paying a professional, who would also have pressure-washed the house and cleaned the gutters all for the same low price. . .especially when the professional fees would have been less than the medical copays for the broken shoulder.
• 2 - You know you need Financial Peace when you're so stressed out and tired that you file an extension on your taxes, even though the government owes you money back.
• 1 - You know you need Financial Peace when your washing machine dies and you're walking around Sam's Club looking for a $400+ item to buy in addition to the $260 washer, because you have to buy at least one item costing at least $400 in order to get the 18 months same as cash deal on both.

Yup, this sums up our life in a nut shell.

Nianya

P.S. If my child can fight this hard to get a soccer scholarship (see photo at top), I can fight even harder for financial independence.

Nianya's Law for Special Needs Parents: If anything can go wrong, it will, at the worst possible time. . .

I've written about this law in the past and it bares repeating on a regular basis. This week has been a perfect example.

• First week at a new school for 8yo ASD Taz;
• First week with both kids home after Taz returned from his summer with Grandma, SIL and cousin;
• Bad week at work for me with two many necessary people out;
• Cast on my right arm;
• Major computer failure

I thought I hit the limit of my tolerance on Tuesday night after a difficult day and night dealing with two especially needy special needs children. Then again, I should know by now that especially needy applies 24/7 in our house, so I should be totally up with that by now.

Apparently not. . .

Nothing like going upstairs with a headache after a very LONG and HOT day, with the full intention of getting on Twitter and asking when I get a turn to whine, only to find out that my computer is dead and I can't even get online, much less tweet about my trials and tribulations.

It was one of those situations when you either laugh or cry, unless, like me, you're too tired to do either.

By the time I set up my old back-up computer and got back online, I realized the message God was sending me. It was basically the special needs parenting version of "Don't sweat the small stuff."

In other words, dealing with my special needs kids on days like this should be no big deal. After all we've had much worse days. . .surgeries postponed due to asthma, croup and pneumonia. . .emergency hospitalization for youngest child, the day after I had oral surgery. . .flat tire on the way to the ER at 1 a.m.

What could be worse?

Obviously losing 6 mos. worth of files that were not backed-up, even though I have a Tera-drive connected to my laptop.

Yup, that's worse!

So after a night of practically no sleep, because I was just plain too lazy to remember to back-up my files, I thanked God for reminding me not to sweat the small stuff.

And, sure enough, my prayers were answered. . .my song came on the radio on the way downtown to get an emergency back-up laptop. And when my song comes on the radio, it always means something is going to be alright.

And it was. . .

Turns out only the laptop power cord failed. . .and the first thing I did when I got my laptop back up and running was back-up all my files.

Note to self: Never sweat the small stuff, because God never gives us more than we can handle and even at the worst of times, he's there with us. And, of course, I have added a recurring reminder to my Google calendar. . .back-up computer at least every two weeks.

Nianya

God will never take us through a time of testing that is too tough for us to deal with. No matter how difficult your trials, you can bank on His promise. No trial is too great for us with the power of God. He will give us a way to endure it, to resist it, or to get through it. Right from the Heart Ministries

Summer in Chattanooga - the Tennessee Aquarium

Atlanta area families can enjoy a fun day in Chattanooga this summer for less than a 2-hour drive. Visitors can enjoy Lookout Mountain, Ruby Falls, a thundering 145-foot waterfall located deep within Lookout Mountain, the Chattanooga Market, which opens weekly on Saturdays from June through September and features live musical entertainment, fresh produce, herbs and cut flowers, and last, but definitely not least, the Tennessee Aquarium, located on the banks of the Tennessee River.

The aquarium opened in May 1992, with a freshwater and saltwater aquarium building known as River Journey. The aquarium opened its second building, the Ocean Journey, in 2005 to stay on a competitive level with the then-planned Georgia Aquarium in Atlanta.

The aquarium is home to more than 10,000 living animals and holds more than a million gallons of water. It is also the highest rated aquarium in the USA and one of the country's top 10 tourist attractions for overall guest satisfaction. And, the aquarium has a 6-story IMAX screen - the only one big enough to show a life-sized blue whale as big as a school bus.

Most importantly, the aquarium and it's surrounding shops and outdoor areas along the river are a great place for families with special needs children to visit.

Membership for a family of 2 adults and all children or grandchildren is only $115, $75 of which is tax deductible. There are separate member entrances to the River and Ocean Journey buildings and members receive discounts in the gift shops and on Imax 3D Theater Tickets.

Membership also gives special needs families a great deal of flexibility. If your child can only visit a few exhibits, you can always come back again and see more.

Aquariums in general can provide a wonderful calming experience for autistic children, if parents visit during less crowded hours, let their child lead the way toward the exhibits that he/she finds interesting and let their child decide when he/she has had enough.

At the Tennessee Aquarium families can see most of the exhibits in the two buildings in about 2 hours, if just walking through, and kids can take a break and enjoy fun open play in the outdoor stream and fountains that snake around the two aquarium buildings. While the kids play outside, parents can enjoy food, snacks and beverages from the various surrounding shops and vendors.

Two words of advice, though, bring a change of clothes or have your child wear a swimsuit underneath. If they enjoy playing in water, and most do, whether special needs or not, they will get wet. And, bring lots of quarters, because there are a number of parking meters around the aquarium, which will get you 2 hrs of time for only a couple of dollars vs. the pay for the day parking lots at $9 to $10 each.

Links:

More Tennessee Aquarium Photos

Aquariums may help autistic children

More about Summer in Chattanooga

Good Field Trips for Autistic Children

A great day in Atlanta for Autism Speaks Georgia

Today the annual fundraising campaign for Walk Now for Autism Speaks Georgia culminated in the 2010 Walk at Atlantic Station.

Walk Now for Autism Speaks is the signature fundraising event, which brings together hundreds of thousands of participants annually across the United States and Canada with a common goal of supporting Autism Speaks.

This year the combined Georgia teams raised over $516,000 and hundreds of adults and children poured into Atlantic Station this morning to take part in the annual walk.

The Atlantic Station headquarters hosted numerous tents and booths filled with sponsors, kid friendly activities and information on resources and therapies for autistic children, including:

• Camp Dream, a barrier-free recreational camp for Georgians with disabilities, which was created through a partnership with the Roosevelt Warm Springs Institute for Rehabilitation and is located just 80 minutes southwest of Atlanta.
• Big Thinkers Science Exploration, which offers science shows, after school programs, summer camps and birthday parties. Today's hands-on slime-making experiment was a huge hit.
• Sensations - Therafun, a multi-sensory activity center in Atlanta, featuring a climbing wall, zip line, mini trampolines, monkey bars, swinging rings, ball pits, exercise mats and more, as well as a large art room for painting, drawing and crafts.
• Driving Magic Inc., a non-profit in Duluth, GA, which provides therapeutic and recreational activities for people with disabilities and which focuses on carriage driving, horsemanship programs and community outreach.
• The Adaptive Learning Center, an inclusive preschool program for special needs children.

The festivities began at 8 a.m. this morning, giving walkers plenty of time to enjoy all the activities before embarking on the 2.2 mile walk around Atlantic Station. After the walk, many of the participants enjoyed lunch at the various Atlantic Station restaurants, including the Fox Sports Grill, featuring delicious turkey burgers, blackened children sandwiches and barbequed chicken nachos.

All in all, it was a beautiful day in Atlanta and a great day for Autism Speaks Georgia.

Introspection on the path of autism. . .

This time every year, around the end of March and Easter time, I find myself getting very introspective.

I look back on the last eight years or so, think how far I have come in so many ways and wonder how I ever made it to where I am now.

Eight years ago today, on Easter Sunday, I went into labor, not for the first time, with my second child. I joking thought he might be born on April fools. He wasn't thank goodness, since he was still 6 weeks early and had been trying to make his appearance into the world for several weeks at that point.

In fact, Taz, was born just 8 days later at 35 weeks with multiple health problems, which I could never have predicted when I tried so hard for so many years to have a second child.

We were determined to give our 6-year-old, Jessie, a sibling without any idea how much our lives would change over the next few years.

When Taz was born, we barely knew what autism was.

Two years later we learned more than we ever wanted to know about autism, when Jessie's therapist went out on a limb and suggested the diagnosis to us.

We were totally floored when the therapist showed us a list of characteristics of autistic children and, once we absorbed the possibility, so many aspects of Jessie's life, which we never understood, but simply accepted, started to fit together into a puzzle whose shape, while different from the "norm" is all the more beautiful, because it is unique.

Thus, began our lives on the path of autism.

The path is winding, often dark and frightening and seemingly never-ending.

Even worse, when our second child, Taz, started exhibiting signs of autism not long after Jessie's diagnosis, we were suddenly faced with the added stress of following two very different paths at the same time.

Every autistic child is unique in his or her own way and when you parent more than one child on the spectrum, you will find that each child's path diverges at points from those of his/her siblings and peers.

I have noticed frequently over the past 5 years or so, that our children's paths cross at points, run parallel at others and often shoot off in completely different directions, usually at the worst possible time.

I've said this before and I'll say it again. . .It takes more than a village to raise an autistic child.

It takes very supportive parents, along with a whole network of doctors, therapists, teachers and understanding friends to guide each child along his/her own unique path.

Today, eight years later, I look back along the winding/divergent paths of my two children and I am utterly in awe of how far we have all come.

Last night at the soccer field, Jessie, my formerly non-verbal child, was standing three feet away from her team while they huddled. Two years ago she would have been pacing from across the field.

And, Taz, my wild child, spent a good 30 minutes engrossed in yet another 4-leaf clover search. He always finds one, no matter how long it takes, because he's not just lucky, he's autistic. He may hyper-stim at the drop of a hat, but when he focuses on a project he's unstoppable.

In eight more years, I predict that Jessie will be in college on a soccer scholarship and Taz will have a winning entry in the National Science Fair.

The path of autism may be winding and never-ending, but the possibilities along the way are infinite.

Nianya

P.S. The attached picture is a t-shirt design which is available for purchase through Cafe Press with a portion of the proceeds going to Autism Speaks. Autism Awareness T-Shirts

I can't win for losing. . .

Last year I forgot both kids' school valentine's parties, because they fell on Friday the 13th right between Taz's annual bout of pneumonia and his fifth surgery and because I had to attend a CLE seminar that day to finish my credits for the prior year before the $100-penalty deadline.

So this year, I planned ahead.

I have become a Google calendar fiend. I use it to track our vast number of special needs appointments, work and class schedules, soccer and gymnastics practice, bill payment deadlines. . . you name it.

If you can name it, I track it!

I remembered to buy both kids' party stuff, candy and cards at BigLots, Michaels, Sams Club and Krogers, while I had 20-50 percent-off coupons in hand and money in the bank. No mean feat in this economy when every penny counts.

I scheduled time on Wednesday night to organize, label and package each kid's party items at the kitchen table, while dinner was cooking in my crock-pot and dh and I were discussing this week's appointments.

I sent Jessie off to Omega Academy yesterday morning laden down with Valentine's candy, party decorations and a yummy cookie cake, which she personally picked out at the store, and I scheduled time to make Taz's GFCF brownie hearts last night, while cooking Chinese in my new Sams Club rice cooker/steamer.

Yes, that's right, you did not misread.

I have become SUPERMOM.

I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and clean up the dishes, all while maintaining my sanity as the best mother to two special needs children on the planet.

. . .

NOT!!!!!!!!

This is where Nianya's Law kicks in and my super mom story falls apart.

Nianya's Law for parenting special needs children states that "If anything can go wrong, it will, at the worst possible moment."

So what does that have to do with Valentine's Day this year? It's not like today is Friday the 13th again. . .

Yesterday, Taz had his first appointment at a new pediatric dentist, who specializes in working with special needs children. I scheduled Taz's appointment in the early afternoon, during his most medically cooperative time of day.

Unfortunately, that meant that we also had to check Jessie out of school 30 minutes early, because the dental office is located a good 40 minutes from our home and we would be gone for several hours.

When I consulted my calendar the night before, I briefly panicked at the thought of having to check Jessie out early on her Valentine's party day.

Then, I remembered that it was the last day of school before a week-long winter break and, since the kids have lunch at noon and get out at 1:30 each day, I figured that the party would start at lunch and be going on for a good 30 minutes before Jessie had to leave.

More than enough time for the Jessinator to eat her fill in candy, cookies and cake.

Again. . .

NOT!

Apparently Jessie's teachers are a lot smarter than I am, because the kids had an early lunch and went back to work before the party. We arrived at the very last minute to pick her up. . .

exactly 5 minutes before the party started!

As we bustled Jessie into the car with an already stimming Tazmanian Devil, one of the teachers thanked me for the cookies, candies and favors that we brought for the party and assured us that they would pack up Jessie's goodie bag and send it with a friend to soccer practice last night.

We were already on the road, before it dawned on me that, not only had Jessie missed her party, but we didn't even have a bag of goodies to munch on for the 40 minute drive.

So what about Taz you ask?

It's not as if his party is ruined, since his party is scheduled for today and I already have everything ready. I even remembered to tell his teacher yesterday, when we checked him out, that I would put all of Taz's goodies in his backpack, so he wouldn't forget them. . .

. . . and I was fully prepared to spend all last night cooking yummy GFCF brownie hearts, one mini-heart-shaped-pan at a time. . .I only have one pan, so I have to keep refilling it and putting it in back in the oven for 15 minutes at a time.

Nianya's Law. . .AGAIN!

Last night, as I was cleaning the kitchen and preparing to bake the brownies, I started noticing my Facebook friends' comments about grocery store panic and getting stuck in the house for yet another weekend.

I'm like, come on, this is HotLanta, not the Midwest, Northeast or Washington D.C.

It never snows here.

Um, well, except for that 5-day extra long weekend last month when we got 2 inches and could not get out of our driveway, much less up the steep hill of our street.

But, come on, people, it's the middle of February and General Beauregard Lee swore we'd have an early spring.

Again, NOT!

In a last minute ditch effort to save Valentines, I opted not to make the brownies last night.

Given Nianya's Law, I figured, if I made the brownies, they would close the schools and, if I didn't, they would not. Taz would have to party without his brownies, but at least he would get to party.

So dh and I watched the news and the web last night and waited and waited and waited some more, while the list of school closings grew county-by-county. After the 10 o'clock news, Dh happily declared that there would be school today.

Um, NOT!

Sure enough, at exactly 11:10 pm, while listening to Hope for Haiti Now on the iPod and snuggled in bed with hot tea and a good book, my Blackberry started the telltale text message buzz and tune. I didn't even have to pick it up to know that it was the school system notifying all of us super moms, who signed up for instant text alerts, that the schools were closed for Friday.

I think it's time I added a caveat to Nianya's Law: "There's not a damn thing you can do about it, so just suck it up and move on."

Nianya

P.S. I still claim title to the Greatest Special Needs Mom on the planet, since I'm up blogging before the crack of dawn, while facing another weekend stuck in the house with the 7yo #ASD/ADHD Tazmanian Devil and, while he may have a snow day, I DO NOT.

I telecommute, so I have to work come rain, snow, sleet or Biblical flood (which I might add that we suffered through last fall).

P.P.S. Not only did we get 4 inches of snow that day, which I might add was the Friday before another 5-day school holiday weekend, but when Taz finally went back to school the next Thursday I forgot to include his Valentines. I mean come on, who celebrates Valentines a whole week after the fact. Apparently the 2nd grade! UNCLE

Another year, another round of holidays and birthdays and God only knows what else. . .

A twitter friend, who read my blog today, found two of my articles when she googled "Valentine's Day for Autistic Teens." Her search pulled up two of my blog entries: Both my recent article "Ignorance is Not Bliss," about raising an autistic teenager and an article I wrote last February 13 titled "Valentine's Day is just another day in Holland for a special needs mom."

I went back and reread last February's article and could not stop laughing. I wrote that article while sitting in an all-day Continuing Education Seminar, which fell right between a week of pneumonia for the then 6-year-old Tazmanian Devil and his fifth surgery in four years.

Such is my life as a special needs mother.

While rereading the article, I suddenly remember that next Wednesday is my mother's 75th birthday and I have yet to buy a card or a present, much less mail one. This would be the same mother, who informed me, oh so nonchalantly, on Christmas Day that she's been diagnosed with early Alzheimer's.

The same woman, who has always been way better at remembering birthdays than I am.

Seriously though, it is really bad form to miss your mother's 75th birthday, especially when every birthday has suddenly become quite precious and you live hundreds of miles apart.

I would like to say that I have an excuse. After all, I am a special needs mom to two children on the autism spectrum. I'm struggling to pay an ever increasing budget of medical co-pays, social skills therapy and private school fees, which are not covered by me daughter's special needs scholarship. And, I am doing so on a seemingly ever decreasing amount of household income, because the economy still bites after two long years.

But I can't. . .

Justify an excuse for forgetting such an important day. Not when I keep a detailed calendar on both my computer, where I spend almost all of my waking hours, and my Blackberry, which I sleep with.

I can, however, say. . .

Thank God for computers, the Internet and Amazon Prime's free 2-day delivery.

Two gifts are now on their way to grandma for delivery on her birthday with special birthday wishes from me, Dh and her only two grand kids: 7yo Taz and 14yo Jessie.

Once again God is watching out for me and once again I remember that I am never walking alone.

Nianya

P.S. You may ask why I pay $79 per year for the privilege of free 2-day shipping. HELLO, I spend hundreds of dollars each year on Amazon Prime eligible products, usually at deep discounts, often in bulk, without paying for tax or shipping, and without having to change out of my jammies. UPS practically lives at my front door.

P.P.S Grandma's a huge Bama fan and luckily Amazon has a large selection of Crimson Tide products for sale with free Amazon Prime shipping. ROLL TIDE ROLL

Autism & Halloween

Because my 7.5-year-old son is on the autism spectrum and the gluten-free casein-free diet holidays are always difficult. It's very hard to schedule outings with family and friends, because we never now when Taz will hyper-stim or worse: meltdown.

I have to say that this year he did very well. We attended 2 Halloween Parties:

Trunk or Treating at our Church: This year we opted not to decorate the car and stay the whole time, because last year Taz lost it after an hour or so.

Georgia A-Scary-Um: We checked Taz out of school at noon and met up with another family to ride downtown together after grabbing a quick lunch at McDonald's. Taz was fed and calm for the most part. Of course the aquarium itself is very overstimulating, but we let the kids chase around and collect candy for an hour or so and left before things got out of hand.

Tonight, Taz dressed back up in his astronaut costume and spent about 30 minutes walking around the immediate neighborhood with dh; not too far or for too long.

Afterwards, he happily sorted out the candy, which he can eat (GFCF candy), and distributed the rest to myself, Dh and 13yo Jessie, who opted out this year. Then Taz proceeded to answer the door for us and distribute candy at regular intervals to our local trick-or-treaters. That's Taz's job and has been for the past 3 years.

I have to say I'm very proud of him. No tears, except for his mini-panic that I did not rush downstairs to answer the door when dh took him out. He was very afraid that someone would miss their candy, while he was making the rounds.

Happy Halloween
Nianya

Parenting an Autistic Teen: Ignorance is Not Bliss

As the parent of a teenager, I struggle with issues related to the current economy, shifting moral values and what I perceive to be an apparent loss of hearth and home.

Kids these days no longer come to their parents for answers, they text their friends, Google it and put it on Facebook /My Space. They are exposed to a constant barrage of violence, sex, drugs and dare I say "Rock n Roll" on television and the internet, in video games and often at school.

Try as we might, it is impossible in today's society to completely protect our children from all of this. So we make choices:

• 1. Which TV programs should our children watch, what games should we let them play and which movies should they see?
• 2. How much do we restrict our teenager's phone and internet use?
• 3. Where do we draw the line on our teenager's friendships?

This list could go on and on. . .

Now add in another factor:

AUTISM

That puts a wholly different perspective into parenting a teenager.

As the parent of two autistic children, I have been their shield and their sword since birth. I protect them from outside influences, which affect their routines and trigger their sensory issues, I fight for services at school, I pay for necessary and expensive medications and therapy and I have totally changed my own life style to accommodate their needs.

The problem is that I don't know how far to go with all of this.

At some point, my autistic teenager is going to have to face the world without my sword and my shield. She's almost 14. That's a far cry from being an adult, but I keep asking myself what I can do now to help her transition into an independent person by the time she goes to college.

How far do I push her and when do I let her fail so that she can learn how to pick up her own pieces?

My daughter has difficulty reading social clues and she takes everything at face value. There is only black and white in her world, no shades of gray.

In other words, she's "clueless," which has its advantages for now.

Jessie doesn't pick up on spoken innuendos and teen body language. If someone said "He's Hot," she might think the guy had a fever.

Really, I'm serious. . .

If I mention boys to Jessie, she adamantly insists that she's never dating, never getting married and never having kids. She simply cannot envision a future in which she will change her mind on these issues.

As an autistic teen Jessie's physical development is on par with her age, but light years ahead of her social development.

Believe me when I say that guys around her see it, even if she doesn't.

In the back of my mind I keep thinking about the movie Harper Valley PTA, in which the somewhat mousy/shy teenager gets her braces off, gets a new hairstyle and suddenly everyone sees her as "grown up."

Jessie's almost there. Her early teen acne is clearing up, she's getting her braces off in a few months and she's tall and very athletic for her age.

And she's totally clueless and totally dependent on us to make the right choices for her.

I literally have to force Jessie to participate in activities outside our home. She loves soccer, but hates activities with her teammates outside of regular practice and games. The same applies to school and church. Daily and weekly routines such as Sunday school and Wednesday night youth activities are fine, but field trips and special youth activities are outside Jessie's routine.

This weekend I practically had to force Jessie to pack her bags for the youth lock-in.

I will say that I was very proud of her when she explained why she did not want to go: "I feel alone there," she said.

I could have cried, because I know exactly how she feels, and her comments made me question whether I was making the right choice for her.

I did not back down, however, despite the fact that dh kept telling me not to force Jessie to do something she does not want to do.

This was too important and it was a great opportunity for Jessie to try to socialize in a very protective atmosphere. We have a wonderful church and great youth group and I know Jessie is in good hands when she's there.

And yes, in the end, Jessie had a really good time. She made a couple of friends and for the third year in a row, she stayed all night, after swearing that she would not.

Still, church activities are not enough.

At some point, Jessie is going to have to learn to deal with society outside of the protections of home and church. She should be dealing with these issues at school, but we moved her to a small private school this fall, which was the best available option for her learning disabilities.

Our goal with school is to make sure that Jessie catches up with her peers so that she can go to college someday, even if she needs more time to get there.

The drawback is that Jessie's school is a small protected atmosphere where learning is key, everyone wears the same uniform and there is absolutely no exposure to the bad aspects of today's society.

Ignorance is not bliss, it's dangerous, and I am so afraid that Jessie will be unprepared for life in college and beyond.

So where do I go from here? How far do I push my autistic teen? How much do I continue to limit her exposure to outside influences?

In other words, how do I prepare Jessie for life in a non-autistic world?

I wish I had answers to these questions, but I don't, because when it comes to parenting an autistic teen, I have only just begun.

I post about my past experiences with autism to help other parents while they are going through the same issues that I have already faced.

This is one of the few times that I have written about the issues I am currently facing, to which I don't yet have any answers.

And I feel like I'm back to walking on egg shells.

My life as an autistic parent often results in taking one baby step forward and two big steps back.

I'm afraid that, if I make the wrong decision with regard to my autistic teen, she will regress so far socially that I cannot bring her back.

But, I can't be Jessie's shield and sword forever. I have to find a way to push Jessie out into the "real" world a little at a time so that she can learn to stand and fall on her own.

Nianya

P.S. These are some articles/thoughts I found on the subject of Parenting Autistic Teens.

Autistic Teens and Independence
Discussions on Unique Parenting Challenges
The Asperger's Teen

Walking a very fine line. . .

Today's Autism Learning Felt Blog

I pulled a Nanny 911 on Taz today. He lost all of his toys, books and other stuff and went on super double secret groundation; if he wants any of this back he has to earn it.

Cheers,
Nianya

3-day Nanny 911 Update. So far Taz has only earned back one stuffed dog and his craft paper, pens, scissors and tape.

Autism Learning Felt

Today I wrote my first blog entry for Autism Learning Felt, another great site, which shares ideas about product that may be beneficial for autistic adults and children.

Today's Blog: Sensory Overload

Nianya

P.S. Photo of Taz at today's end of season Atlanta Braves Game after he told me a dozen times that I wasn't doing the "Braves Chop" right.

The Jessinator and the Allee Gater. . .these girls rock.

Jessie & Taz's World. . .

I have been struggling a lot lately with what I want, what I have and what I can achieve in this world.

Not the "World" literally or even generally, but My World. . .Jessie and Taz's world.

We seem to have found some stability for both children in school at least. 13yo ASD Jessie is in private school on the state special needs scholarship. 7yo ASD Taz is in public school and we have finally started the full IEP process, but have to hold our breath for 60 days to see if he gets all the services he needs.

The economy is tanking and we have very little discretionary money, which is a general problem in the World today, but it can be a catastrophe to a special needs parent. We've cut our expenses to the bone, we eat-in, instead of eating out, we buy on sale/in bulk and we don't go on vacations, to the movies or to the mall.

We've also had to make some very tough choices about which of the kids medications are absolutely necessary and whether we could substitute generics for some brand names that work better with less side effects.

And, just when I think we can manage with the cuts we've made, new expenses crop up. Jessie has to have after school tutoring, because she's so far behind after attending a Charter school for three years that did not comply with her IEP.

We also added additional private soccer coaching, because the recent merger of our soccer club with two other clubs has created chaos and almost left us without a team for her to play on this season.

I''m really hoping that the team of generally nice girls that we finally scraped together will be competitive once they get up to speed and, if they can set aside petty rivals that are causing dissension in the ranks.

Jessie is oblivious to all of this. She came out of a weekend of tournament games that some parents would call humiliating and posted on her Facebook page that she had a good time with the team.

I nearly cried, because there was a time, not so long ago, when Jessie could not communicate with her teammates, schoolmates or even some close friends. Now she's posting on Facebook that her team rocks and they're gonna "Kick Butt."

In a perfect world this would be enough to keep me and Jessie very happy. The problem is Jessie is a soccer fanatic, this is her last year before high school soccer and she wants a college soccer scholarship. To get there, she has to train as hard as possible and at the highest level she is capable of. But, at the same time, we can't forget that she is finally socializing with her teammates.

So we compromise. We give our current team our full support and find the money for extra training.

Which brings me back to the subject of Taz, a very bright boy, who cannot read. The boy can create his own science experiments with the rights tools and ingredients and he's a talented artist.

He would really benefit from some enrichment classes in Art and Science, but we simply cannot afford them. We've also cut back severely on his arts and crafts supplies, which keep him busy while we focus on Jessie's soccer, social skills classes and church youth activities.

Someone told me this summer that I focus too much on Taz when I blog, probably because he gets sick a lot, is on a very limited Gluten Free Casein Free diet and has many sensory issues.

In reality, I go back and forth between two special needs children, trying to keep up with both of their issues and needs. I don't know how parents with more special needs children survive. It's hard even when you have only one and it can be almost impossible in the current economy, because of the added stress for many families, like ours, who are living on less income (dh is self employed and I work for the insurance).

I often ask my readers to walk a block or even 100 feet in my shoes, but I'm not going to do that today. I'm not even asking for support, since I've learned that our family has to count on themselves and do what's right for us.

However, I will ask that you think before you make our lives harder. Be encouraging and positive when you see us and our children. . .as my grandmother or some wise woman always said "If you haven't got something nice to say, don't say anything."

I love that Jessie's posting on Facebook, but I hate the fact that Facebook allows her to see the comments from friends of her friends, even those that may be negative or hurtful.

Have a blessed day on this 8th anniversary of 9/11

Nianya

PBS Kids Dinosaur Train Preview Party

Another lazy summer Saturday. . .

NOT

Up at 0700 to go to Mid-Town for the Dinosaur Train preview party at PBS Studios.

These are the times when I really love living in the HotLanta suburbs. We are close enough to everything and we get invited to lots of special events at Zoo Atlanta, The Georgia Aquarium, the Atlanta Botanical Gardens and now, its seems, Georgia Public Broadcasting.

Although, I'm not quite sure why we got invited to this one.

I did subscribe to GPB.org a few months ago during one of their Britcom telethons (wanted the best of the Britcoms Book) and, of course, I rarely watch TV, except for GPB shows, like, ummm the Saturday night Britcoms, Masterpiece Theater, Georgia Traveler, the Antiques Road Show, Sherlock Holmes, the Complete Jane Austen etc. etc. etc.

I also watched all of the PBS shows from before I could walk, raised my own kids on them and invested tons of money in PBS Kids paraphernalia.

However, when we arrived at the studios rather early (I have never been on time for anything in my life, either 30 minutes early or 30 minutes late), we were directed into the Boardroom and a very enthusiastic lady shook my hand, introduced herself and asked me "Are you one of our Mommy Bloggers?"

HUH????

Well ummmm. . .

I'm a mom and I blog. . .

And then I heard another lady whisper "She's one of the others. . ."

Apparently not, one of the beautiful people!

And little did they know, they were SOOOOO right.

That's me, one of the others, a special needs mom, always on the outside of the Boardroom looking in.

In this case, however, the crafts were outside the Boardroom and you couldn't have kept Taz and his friend Zachary in that Boardroom for a $1M bucks.

Seriously folks, Boardroom jokes aside, when you're a special needs mom, you live your life in the Trenches, not the Boardroom, Ballroom or Cinderella's Castle.

Every day in the trenches is a new adventure, a new trial of wits, understanding and patience and a new realization that life in Holland may be tough, but its worth every minute.

I wouldn't trade my view from the Trenches for anything!

Nianya

P.S. Taz quickly got over his ASD fit about not getting a bag of goodies on the way out (they went to the beautiful people) when he found out that we were going to the Botanical Gardens and then Michaels for crafts. Also, he happily munched his Kinnikinnick GFCF donuts, while all the beautiful people ate their Krispy Cremes.

Tazmania vs the Jessinator. . .

Or more accurately Taz and Jessie, my two wonderful special needs children. Jessie is 13.5 years old, autistic and a fab soccer player. We call her Jessie James a/k/a the Jessinator, because she'll rob you blind on the soccer field.

Taz is 7 years old, severely ADHD, ASD, SID, Asthmatic, GFCF, you name it. We call him the Tazmanian Devil, because he's like a mini tornado that spins, stops and grins, and spins some more, wreaking destruction everywhere he goes.

Gotta love em.

Taz has been visiting his cousin in Charleston for most of the summer and won't come home until tomorrow. Meanwhile, dh, Jessie and I have been enjoying our staycation. We have spent our summer touring the local sites in and around HotLanta. There's a lot to do in this town and in Northern Georgia.

It goes without saying that when Taz goes with us, he rules the roost. No matter how hard we try, we spend most of our time chasing the little devil around.

With Jessie we can take our time. View the sites, have a leisurely lunch/dinner and relax.

I have certainly enjoyed our quiet summer, but I can't wait to get my Taz back tomorrow. Jessie's not so sure she wants to give up being an only child again, but I know that deep down she misses him. We all do.

Nianya

Tubing in Helen was Good for my Soul. . .

Dh, Jessie and I had a blast yesterday tubing with our church youth in Helen GA. It's was 13-year-old Jessie's first time. Dh and I hadn't tubed since we were her age.

We spent the last three rain-less, hot, muggy weeks looking forward to a lazy trip done the river only to get drenched in the pouring rain for the first hour of the trip.

Still, I never lost my humour. I was determined to get some photos and video of the kids on the river and even went out to a couple of stores the night before to see if I could find a waterproof disposable camera. NOT

I took a chance with one of my small Kodak cameras, which takes good still shots and video, hung it around my neck in a water-resistant camera case and covered the lot with Ziploc baggies.

My red-neck version of a water-proof camera actually worked pretty well. I managed to keep it high enough in the air with one hand, while I braved the rapids by holding onto my tube with the other. I got a few shots and one short video in between the bouts of pouring rain.

Dh and I lost Jessie earlier on. She floated way ahead of us with the more ambitious youth. I even lost Dh about half way through, because I kept getting stuck on rocks in the shallow areas, but I found a real sense of peace, while drifting slowly down the river, in between the raging rapids.

And, of course, the sun came out and dried up all the rain, just after we boarded the tubing company's bus to go back to our vans and cars.

We had a great day with a group of really great kids. I have never been involved with a friendlier group of teens at church or anywhere else for that matter. These kids are fun, have great manners and shine with the spirit of God.

And, best of all, I asked Jessie on the way back if she talked with the kids while on the river and she said YES. That means everything to the mother of an autistic teen and it shows me that the kids reached out to her and made her feel welcome.

Nianya

Staycationing at Dixieland Fun Park

Last Saturday we hiked 3.5 miles at Sweetwater Creek park and today we were supposed to hike again at either Boundary Waters or the Clinton Nature Preserve.

We decided to be spontaneous and go to nearby Dixieland Fun Park instead. Good choice.

With BOGO coupons we only spent $38 for all of us to get in, which was a really great deal for almost 4 hours of fun in the sun.

Of course I forgot to charge the battery to my Canon EOS, so we had to use Jessie's cell to take a few photos, but I was actually relieved not to have to carry my big camera w/ fancy flash kit all around the park.

The rides are nice, but we had the most fun playing two grueling rounds of goofy golf. Jessie was up for a third, but Dh and I called it quits after the second round. Too hot and too tired by that point.

And, of course, on the way home we stopped at the Fayetteville BigLots where we found great deals on snacks for school, which starts again in less than 10 days. It was a bonus day at BigLots: $300 worth of snacks for about $100. Too bad I wasn't there last Sunday when we had the bi-annual extra 20% off your entire purchase coupon.

C'est la vie!

Nianya

P.S. If you go to Dixieland take bottled water, which you can refill (we did) and wear closed toe shoes (I did not), because some of the rides require them.

Amelia Island, Florida

I'm currently in Florida working at the Georgia Bar Meeting. This year's meeting is located at the Amelia Island Plantation.

Yesterday we dragged 7yo Taz and 13yo Jessie out of bed at the crack of dawn, loaded the car to the rafters and drove to the outskirts of Savannah for the respite care trade off at the Georgia Welcome Center. Grandma and Auntie, from Charleston, are keeping Jessie until Sunday and Taz for a whole month.

Both kids are on the autism spectrum and we haven't had a break since last December. It's tough being a special needs parent and even tougher holding down full time jobs while doing so.

I felt like a free bird once we dropped of the kids and didn't even blink an eye when we got stuck in horrible construction traffic about 30 minutes later. I just enjoyed the sounds of silence or rather the sounds of our Sirius satellite radio with unlimited kid interruptions.

My stress level started dropping the minute we got back on the highway after turning the kids over to the relatives, it dropped even lower after a relaxing dinner and plummeted to near zero during a sunset walk on the beach.

And, I'm still relaxed, even though I got up at 0530 to snag sunrise beach photos, rush over to the conference center to set up electronics at 0730 and ran around meeting people until 0900 when my current seminar started.

Hopefully the sun will be out by noon so I can snag some great island photos during lunch.

Nianya

Serenbe, Georgia - Eclectic Country Living

This summer we're going back to our roots or rather back to the way our grandparents used to live before the jet-setting, overspending electronic age and the current great recession.

To make a long story short, we're playing Georgia traveler and spending our weekends discovering all the little gems, within driving distance of Atlanta. Last weekend we visited the Atlanta Botanical Gardens. Today, Serenbe, Georgia - a natural community based on traditional values and environmental sustainability.

We took the scenic route on our way to the Serenbe Saturday Farmer's Market and only got lost a couple of times, but at least we got a quick look at downtown Palmetto, Georgia on the way.

The farmer's market at Serenbe varies in size depending on the weekend. This weekend it was fairly small, but everyone was amazingly friendly.

As usual, I started out chasing 7-year-old autistic Taz from booth to booth telling him not to touch. Surprisingly, all of the vendors took him in stride. He's just a boy, he can't help it, they said.

True, but I'm used to getting stares or glares whenever we go out, because Taz is a very sensory boy. He has to touch everything and he's often like a bull in a china shop.

Not today though. Even the vendor with carved pens and kaleidoscopes kindly informed me that their goods are all child proof (4 grandchildren). They didn't even blink an eye when I said we call him the Tazmanian Devil.

So I relaxed and gave the kids free rein within sight distance of course.

We snagged some great fresh veggies, found a landscape designer, who makes container gardens out of eco-friendly shell-shaped cement and explored a few shops, including an activities and adventure shop called Getting Around.

Getting Around offers golf-cart and bikes rentals, tours and outdoor adventures, including a kayaking trip on the Chattahoochee river next month, which I hope to go back for.

We ended out tour with a late breakfast at the Blue Eyed Daisy Bakeshop, an eco-friendly eatery just up the road from the farmer's market.

And, now that we know the way there (we found a short-cut on the way home), we will definitely be back for future Saturdays.

Nianya

P.S. Taz has an unusual fear of dogs, but he had no problem with the adorable squealing pig (see Serenbe slideshow above) that sat at the table next to us during breakfast. Go figure.

Kudos for Vacation Bible School

We went out on a limb this week and registered 7 year old autistic Taz in Vacation Bible School at a new church, because he will be in Charleston during our regular church's VBS.

So far, I am totally impressed with First United Methodist and their VBS staff.

The church staff called me Saturday to confirm Taz's registration and make sure that they were clear on his allergies and medical issues. This morning, when I dropped Taz off, his group leader immediately asked if we had his snacks, since he is on the GFCF diet due to milk and wheat allergies. And, when I picked Taz up at lunch time, the group leader told me he did great.

Taz had a little trouble understanding that he had to wait until Friday to make his Turtle, but his group leader said he agreed to wait. Then she apologized that they did not have the materials for making the turtle yet. As a special needs mother, I'm usually the one apologizing or explaining Taz's sensory issues.

OMG what a change that is from the Sunday School teacher last year, who told Taz he couldn't bring his castle to class with him, because it was too disruptive.

I always hold my breath when picking Taz up from afterschool care, tutoring, Sunday School or day camp, because I never know what I'll hear about how he behaved while there. And, just yesterday, Taz had a major melt-down in Cracker Barrel over a decorated egg. You never know what will set him off.

What a difference a day makes, especially when we are blessed with teachers/group leaders, who take the time to listen and explain to Taz that it's okay to wait a day or two for that special craft.

And thanks for letting Taz take his workbook home. He specifically let me know that he had to promise to bring it back every day.

Let's hope mommy remembers it tomorrow morning.

Nianya

P.S. Forgot to say thank you for the Crocodile Dock CD. Taz was absolutely trilled to hear the music again on the way home today. That means so much to me as the mom of a child with sensory issues. Music definitely soothes the savage beast a/k/a the Tazmanian Devil.

P.P.S. The entire week was phenomenal. The group leaders were great and Taz was great. He learned all about the Bible and Jesus and most importantly, he proudly showed off his special turtle when I picked him up on the last day. He hasn't let it out of his sight since.

The Atlanta Botannical Gardens - A Sensory Experience

Having lived in HotLanta for more than 15 years, I am ashamed to say that I have never been to the Botanical Gardens before today. My dh tried to defend that major faux pas by saying that lots of people live in Atlanta all their lives and never go to the zoo or aquarium, but I always loved gardens as a child and I still do.

I have to say that I was absolutely amazed. I had no idea how extensive, beautiful and absolutely imaginative the gardens are. I was also unaware that the gardens are currently featuring the amazing Moore in America exhibition of bronze sculptures.

But more importantly, the gardens are the perfect sensory experience for my two autistic children, particularly my 7 year old, who happily wandered among the gardens, fountains and hands-on children's exhibits like an elf flitting about the woods. He was in heaven.

My 13yo was happy to hear that we plan to come back for a much longer, more leisurely visit later this summer, while her brother is visiting his cousin. Dd is like me, she wants to soak in the scenery a little bit at a time.

And there is nothing more calming that water features literally sprinkled throughout the beautiful gardens.

The best thing of course is that we can go back whenever we want. I can't wait to go to one of their evening exhibits. Sans children perhaps.

Nianya

How I Became a Special Needs Mother - Chapter 3

I have been very remiss in my blogging.

As you all know, I vowed back in March to blog once each week about my evolution as a special needs mom. Well it's Memorial Weekend, 2.5 months since my last chapter, and I have no one to blame, except Twitter.

Twitter is a viciously addictive and hopelessly easy method of communicating for those, like me, who are socially handicapped. In my case, the jury is still out as to whether I am physically or voluntarily handicapped. Nevertheless, I have spent the past 2.5 months tweeting my heart out 140 characters at a time.

And so, back to my story. . . where was I. . .oh yes.

Upon returning from Jessie's 4-year birthday cruise, Dh and I decided to adopt. A decision, which changed our lives forever, but not in the way you probably think.

We researched adoption agencies, secured our finances and jumped in head first with the Independent Adoption Center.

And by head first, I mean to the tune of $16K, with the hope of adopting a second child within 18 months from the date we signed.

NOT

It took us a good 6 months to get completely approved, even though we paid all our fees up front, and then the waiting began.

After a year, I began to wonder. Shouldn't we be higher on the list by now? Shouldn't we be getting calls from potential birth moms?

Apparently not, and by the way, you owe us another $2K for an annual home study update, but you can speed up the process by going on the last minute call list.

The WHAT list?

The jump on a plane at the last minute and be prepared to spend a couple of weeks in the middle of nowhere list at any cost.

After 18 months of waiting we were ready to jump on a plane to Timbuktu. We just wanted another baby.

Friends be careful what you ask for.

What I got was the answer to my prayers or so I thought.

A prospective birth mother, due in 4 months, from a neighboring state.

We paid to bring her to our home for a visit, arranged for a deposit on a trailer, because she was about to be homeless, paid for a phone line so she could call us, sent a grocery gift check so she could eat and agreed to provide her with an old vehicle to drive.

Oh and did I mention the attorneys' fees we paid up front, because our agency was not registered in that state. I could have sworn they said they would associate with one.

A couple of days before we were scheduled to drive our old truck to the neighboring state and turn over its title, we g0t a call from our agency. Apparently our birth mother had been shopping her ultra sound to other couples as well, including other IAC couples.

We contacted the authorities, cancelled any future payments and walked away $6K poorer, but a heck of a lot wiser.

A couple of weeks later I got a call from a woman in NY, who wanted to know about our experience with this girl. I said she scammed us, but the couple in NY were prepared to take up all of her payments through birth. Why call me if you don't want the truth? I'm sure the woman was desperate to be a parent, but I sincerely doubt that girl every actually gave up her child.

Still, I tend to forget that God works in mysterious ways. After the adoption scam fiasco, we ended up right back where we started.

Yup that's right, Fertility treatments.

And on that note, I must digress a bit.

My Christmas 1999 miscarriage started a chain reaction in my body, which quickly resulted in a diagnosis of Stage 4 Endometriosis. Somehow my former doctors missed that diagnosis when I underwent a laparoscopy at age 21 for unexplained bleeding and pelvic pain.

My RE had ruled that out as a possible explanation for our secondary fertility, because it wasn't mentioned in my prior medical records. And yet, when my RE performed my laproscopic laser surgery, he found extensive scar tissue dating back at least 15 years.

After my surgery my RE told us that my Endo would go into remission, if I got pregnant, so he encouraged us to try again. At the time, we were still set on adoption. After all we had nearly $20K and 18 months invested in our quest.

So we waited another 5 months, endured the ill-fated birth mother fiasco, over Christmas and New Years, and then did what all people do after two miserable holidays.

We went on another cruise, for Jessie's 5th birthday.

And, yes, she was sick on that cruise as well. Another incurable ear infection, which led to pneumonia, but once again I digress.

We decided while on that cruise that we might as well go forward with the recommended fertility treatments. We were convinced that we had to endure the treatments and the inevitable failures, so that we could go forward with an adoption knowing we had tried everything.

We tried two rounds of cheap Clomid, which resulted in. . .more cysts, a very bad mood for both of us and no baby.

Then, with my mother's financial assistance, we proceeded with more expensive treatments. Three rounds of IUI via high-powered, very expensive fertility drugs.

Each month I endured twice daily injections and traveled to the doctor every other day for blood draws and ultrasounds. I responded so well to the drugs that my RE asked how we felt about multiples, because he was sure I would get pregnant with twins or more.

NOPE NADA NOTHING

Month after Month.

So, finally, with insurance paying for another $12K in fertility drugs, my mother kicking in a good $10K and us covering the rest, we did what we swore we would never do.

Yup that's right.

In Vitro Fertilization or IVF for short

After trice daily injections and all the other IVF "tortures," I produced more than 30 follicles, 12 eggs, and 11 fertilized embryos and we waited, not so patiently, to see if we would go forward with a 3-day transfer of 3-4 embryos or a 5-day transfer of 2 blastocysts.

In the meantime, I shared my experience with a group of other women going through IVF at the same time in INCIID's IVF Waiting Room.

There I found the support I had been looking for all those years. The women and men I met through INCIIDs various infertility, IVF, pregnancy and parenting boards provided me with the on-line support network I needed to endure the IVF process.

And so, on day three, I was able to post on the IVF Waiting Room that the doctor had informed us that we were GOING TO BLAST i.e. two more days until my embryo transfer and a much greater chance of success.

Two days later, the RE transferred Taz and his twin blast and I entered the 2ww (2 week wait).

For the next 9 days the IVF waiting room was my only life line.

Day after day, I posted in the waiting room, 1dp5dt (1 day post 5-day transfer), 2dp5dt and so on, until I couldn't take the suspense any longer.

On the 9th day I sought out my stash of HPTs (home pregnancy tests) and waited breathlessly, while I watched it turn blue. I thought I was going to faint, but somehow managed to get back to my computer and post that the HPT was positive at 9dp5dt, one day before my scheduled blood test at my REs.

After all that time and all we had endured, I was pregnant again, and I am still in awe of the moment when Dh came home from work and I was able to tell him that the rabbit died.

I still have that silly stick stuffed in a drawer some where and it's still blue after more than 7 years.